February blues

So in case you missed my thoroughly melodramatic meltdown in my previous post, this time of year makes me quite wobbly and miserable.  I am alright on the run up to Christmas, and by April all of the plants are up and running which cheers me up, but this time of year is dreadful.  Dark, cold, rainy and the children have cabin fever (and so do I).

So I am going to start to attempt to mindfulness.  An attempt to focus on the positive rather than the negative.  I am going to find 5 things (or more) every single day that have made me smile.  It is easy to focus on the mess my husband makes, or the snoring, or O bouncing from sofa to sofa, E whining all day long for food!!!  But they do some lovely things, and I am guilty (especially at the moment) of ignoring them and focusing on what they have done wrong.

Todays list of positivity
1 - I was woken up by both children, husband and dog piling onto my bed for a cuddle this morning
2 - I had time for a nice hot shower before Paul went to work this morning (and I managed it without an audience of dog and children!!!)
3 - E gave me a fab cuddle in soft play, with arms and legs wrapped around me like a little spider monkey
4 - I had my most favourite thing to eat when I came in from Soft Play - A slice of homemade bread with real butter on it.  Yum!!
5 - I got the computer working, so during naptime I am going to set O off on it and sit with a cup of tea and something Mummy-ish on the TV for half an hour.

The sun is shining, the Dahlia's have germinated, and after naptime we will head to the allotment for half an hour.  I have my fingers crossed that the Daffs will have sprouted and I can bring some home to put in a vase on the table!.  Today is going to be a good day!

Someone to listen

I am exhausted, rushed off my feet and generally hacked off with the world.  O did an accident in his bed at 1.30 am, so I was up changing both son and bedding, and then failed to get back to sleep until 4.30, and the alarm goes at 6, so I am really tired.  I don't do well on lack of sleep.  Then I had to bake cookies for the picnic at the zoo today.  Parenting/housewifery is a competitive sport, and if you don't bring something homemade to a picnic, you have failed.  Then I took Elsa to doggy daycare, went to the zoo with many children for 5 hours, picked Elsa up from doggy daycare, took her for a walk in the woods, ended up feeding the children KFC because I didn't have time to go home before O had his choir practice.  Dropped him off there, came home to drop the dog off, E did a spectacular accident in her knickers all over the kitchen floor, cleaned that up, didn't get the cup of tea I was desperate for, went to pick Oscar up from singing, and have just got back, and popped this kids with a chocolate bar in front of Frozen for bit whilst I gasp for breathe.

I tried to ring my husband (who  has parents even this evening so won't be until 9) and he was too busy to even listen to what I was saying to him.  Half hearted "hmmm"-ing was all I got, whilst he stuffed his face.  I rang my mum and listened to her complain about her hospital appointment, and then, when I was half way through a sentence I get cut off with "oh well, you better deal with the kids then.  Talk to you tomorrow".

So I get to spend the evening in silence, by myself because apparently the things in my life are of no concern to anybody, not even the two people who are supposed to care about me the most.  I expect the kids to walk all over me - they are kids, and that is what I am there for.  Is it too much to expect some genuine concern from the adults in my family?  Apparently so.

I am totally FED UP!!!

When I gave up my job for my kids I also gave up any hope friends or a life outside the home.  Maybe I should just get used to having my thoughts and feelings ignored by everyone.  Consider me beige wallpaper...ignored by all, but noticed when missing.

Rant over...for now!!!


Ps - And just as I was checking this post for errors, E did an enormous shit in her knickers, all over the sofa's, the cushions, her dress and her foot.  I feel ready to cry right about now!!!  And while I sob in the kitchen because this is just the cherry on the fucking cake of what has been a long, tiring and stressful day, when I tell my husband I can predict his response "that's my girl" he'll say whilst chuckling and then disappear onto his computer so he doesn't have to talk to me anymore.

New Season

Spring has sprung - well maybe not quite but we are definitely heading in that direction.  It feels that we are over the hump of "winter".  The days are getting lighter, there maybe rain (or even a little snow) but we are also having bright spells of sun rather than permanent "grey".  There are new buds on the hydrangea, there is new growth on the rhubarb crowns, and the daffodils are starting to push their way through the ground a little at a time.  And I have started a shopping list on Ebay.

So far the shopping list contains a strawberry planter and a herb planter (because I always seem to miss the jump on strawberries at the allotment, and herbs are always handy to have close to hand) 2 new rhubarb crowns (possible a late season one such as Victoria), and a bunch of asparagus crowns.  And I haven;t even gone through the seeds yet to identify which new ones I need to get.

I spent an hour or so at the allotment this week and dug over 2 of the beds, but I am going on a solo trip this weekend, and I cannot wait to get stuck in.

I will fill you in on the home ed allotment plot plans next time.
Laters!  xxxx

First trip of the 2015

Yesterday morning I went to the allotment.  Just me and my puppy.  It was icy cold, but I managed to harvest some sprouts, some parsnips and some carrots, all of which were used for dinner.  It was too cold for much digging, but there is plenty to do.  I was happy to think about where we were last year, flooded, smushy mud, only a couple of beds worth doing anything with.  Hopeless!!  And we have achieved so much in this last year!!

So my thoughts are starting to turn to this year.  I think I am going to get some asparagus crowns, and a couple more rhubarb.  But I don't think I am going to bother with potatoes.  I have tried a few times, and I always end up spending more money on seed potatoes than I seem to get back in potatoes.

I am getting very exciting.  Now if we could only get a couple of days without ice or rain and I could get on with some digging.  But I have time yet!!

The new shoots on the overwintering garlic and onions made me leave the allotment with a giant smile on my face though!!!  Definitely a fan of allotment-therapy!!!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to the rest of the world.  Husband has abandoned me for a gig and won't be back until 3am, and the children will be going to be in half an hour or so.  I shall enjoy a lonely glass of wine, a Chinese takeaway and the TV remote to myself.  I lead a very rock-n-roll lifestyle!

Until 2015...

Those things children do!!!

As we were leaving Soft play this morning I had to (as usual) chase Eleanor around for a few minutes to persuade her to put her shoes on.  As I was hunting for her she came back with a very cheeky smile on her face.  I shall transcribe the conversation, as there is no way to paraphrase it and encapsulate my daughter's personality.

"Where have you been Cheeky Chops?"
"I need to talk to the lady"
"Which lady?"
"Cafe lady"
"What did you need to talk to the cafe lady about?"
"Sweeties.  She gave them to me"

And then Eleanor ran off.  That girl could charm Eskimos into buying ice

When we got home the phone rang and O ran to answer it.
"Hello Nana" he said.  Then he chatted for a few minutes about this and that.  Then I heard
"Mummy is on the sofa cuddling Elsa"
Followed by
"But you are supposed to be my Nana, you are my Mummy's mummy".

Turns out he was chatting to the vet...

Busy busy busy

O has another choir concert tonight.  It is all very excited, except the part where I was volunteered to make 8 dozen mince pies.  So the mince pies are made, and in the dark recesses of the night I decided that small children aren't generally fond of mince pies so I would make them some cupcakes, with the melty snowman decoration on.  In the cold light of day this seems foolish, however I am just waiting for the last 6 to  bake and then I have to ice 18 snowman cakes.  And I haven't finished O's waistcoat for the concert.  So this afternoons job is to handstitch the inside seams and to do the button holes and buttons.  Why of why do I leave things until the last minute.

There has been quite the drama here this week.  We have an alley way at the back of the house that is gates, but about 30 houses long, and is in the middle of 2 roads.  So that is 60 house holds.  And one of the has been dumping rubbish in it.  And a different someone has put rat poison out for the rodents.  Rat poison which somehow ended up outside our back gate and the dog got hold of.

I got it off her within a minute, but it was a little chewed. How much Elsa ate I do not know.  Within the hour she was at the vets, who tried to convince me it was a dishwasher tablet.  Any way last night (2 days later) the vet rang to tell me she though it might be rat poison after all, and to bring her in for injections and tablets.  So we have this morning.  Elsa was not at all happy with the injections, and she had to have 3 of them.  She has had a walk and feels a bit better I think, but I am scratched to death.  She appears to be fine with no ill effects  from the poison, but it is better for her to have the injections rather than get get sick.  Husbands job of the weekend is to put some woods at the bottom of the gate so that she can't get her head underneath to nibble at whatever she finds.

And I haven't even though properly about Christmas yet!!!

It is a good job that I do understand and agree with a lot of the unschooling, autonomous approach to learning, even if I would generally prefer a more formal structure.  Plenty of weighing, measuring, O has read the Velveteen Rabbit to his sister about 10 times this morning, and trip to the vets.  I am sure they must have learnt something there!!!!

Happy Christmas xxx