So in case you missed my thoroughly melodramatic meltdown in my previous post, this time of year makes me quite wobbly and miserable. I am alright on the run up to Christmas, and by April all of the plants are up and running which cheers me up, but this time of year is dreadful. Dark, cold, rainy and the children have cabin fever (and so do I).
So I am going to start to attempt to mindfulness. An attempt to focus on the positive rather than the negative. I am going to find 5 things (or more) every single day that have made me smile. It is easy to focus on the mess my husband makes, or the snoring, or O bouncing from sofa to sofa, E whining all day long for food!!! But they do some lovely things, and I am guilty (especially at the moment) of ignoring them and focusing on what they have done wrong.
Todays list of positivity
1 - I was woken up by both children, husband and dog piling onto my bed for a cuddle this morning
2 - I had time for a nice hot shower before Paul went to work this morning (and I managed it without an audience of dog and children!!!)
3 - E gave me a fab cuddle in soft play, with arms and legs wrapped around me like a little spider monkey
4 - I had my most favourite thing to eat when I came in from Soft Play - A slice of homemade bread with real butter on it. Yum!!
5 - I got the computer working, so during naptime I am going to set O off on it and sit with a cup of tea and something Mummy-ish on the TV for half an hour.
The sun is shining, the Dahlia's have germinated, and after naptime we will head to the allotment for half an hour. I have my fingers crossed that the Daffs will have sprouted and I can bring some home to put in a vase on the table!. Today is going to be a good day!
Friday 27 February 2015
Thursday 5 February 2015
Someone to listen
I am exhausted, rushed off my feet and generally hacked off with the world. O did an accident in his bed at 1.30 am, so I was up changing both son and bedding, and then failed to get back to sleep until 4.30, and the alarm goes at 6, so I am really tired. I don't do well on lack of sleep. Then I had to bake cookies for the picnic at the zoo today. Parenting/housewifery is a competitive sport, and if you don't bring something homemade to a picnic, you have failed. Then I took Elsa to doggy daycare, went to the zoo with many children for 5 hours, picked Elsa up from doggy daycare, took her for a walk in the woods, ended up feeding the children KFC because I didn't have time to go home before O had his choir practice. Dropped him off there, came home to drop the dog off, E did a spectacular accident in her knickers all over the kitchen floor, cleaned that up, didn't get the cup of tea I was desperate for, went to pick Oscar up from singing, and have just got back, and popped this kids with a chocolate bar in front of Frozen for bit whilst I gasp for breathe.
I tried to ring my husband (who has parents even this evening so won't be until 9) and he was too busy to even listen to what I was saying to him. Half hearted "hmmm"-ing was all I got, whilst he stuffed his face. I rang my mum and listened to her complain about her hospital appointment, and then, when I was half way through a sentence I get cut off with "oh well, you better deal with the kids then. Talk to you tomorrow".
So I get to spend the evening in silence, by myself because apparently the things in my life are of no concern to anybody, not even the two people who are supposed to care about me the most. I expect the kids to walk all over me - they are kids, and that is what I am there for. Is it too much to expect some genuine concern from the adults in my family? Apparently so.
I am totally FED UP!!!
When I gave up my job for my kids I also gave up any hope friends or a life outside the home. Maybe I should just get used to having my thoughts and feelings ignored by everyone. Consider me beige wallpaper...ignored by all, but noticed when missing.
Rant over...for now!!!
Ps - And just as I was checking this post for errors, E did an enormous shit in her knickers, all over the sofa's, the cushions, her dress and her foot. I feel ready to cry right about now!!! And while I sob in the kitchen because this is just the cherry on the fucking cake of what has been a long, tiring and stressful day, when I tell my husband I can predict his response "that's my girl" he'll say whilst chuckling and then disappear onto his computer so he doesn't have to talk to me anymore.
I tried to ring my husband (who has parents even this evening so won't be until 9) and he was too busy to even listen to what I was saying to him. Half hearted "hmmm"-ing was all I got, whilst he stuffed his face. I rang my mum and listened to her complain about her hospital appointment, and then, when I was half way through a sentence I get cut off with "oh well, you better deal with the kids then. Talk to you tomorrow".
So I get to spend the evening in silence, by myself because apparently the things in my life are of no concern to anybody, not even the two people who are supposed to care about me the most. I expect the kids to walk all over me - they are kids, and that is what I am there for. Is it too much to expect some genuine concern from the adults in my family? Apparently so.
I am totally FED UP!!!
When I gave up my job for my kids I also gave up any hope friends or a life outside the home. Maybe I should just get used to having my thoughts and feelings ignored by everyone. Consider me beige wallpaper...ignored by all, but noticed when missing.
Rant over...for now!!!
Ps - And just as I was checking this post for errors, E did an enormous shit in her knickers, all over the sofa's, the cushions, her dress and her foot. I feel ready to cry right about now!!! And while I sob in the kitchen because this is just the cherry on the fucking cake of what has been a long, tiring and stressful day, when I tell my husband I can predict his response "that's my girl" he'll say whilst chuckling and then disappear onto his computer so he doesn't have to talk to me anymore.
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